FINDING CONFIDENCE IN A JUDGMENTAL WORLD

Confidence is hard. This world is full of comparison, self-doubt, feeling less than enough, and more nasty thoughts. I’ll be completely honest – it took me YEARS to gain confidence, and I still struggle everyday. However, this wasn’t something that I always struggled with. When I was younger, I had ZERO cares about what others thought of me. I wore my crazy neon, splatter painted shirts and sweatshirts, simply because I wanted to. But soon I began to hear the compliments given to the girls around me who had “super cute!!” or “adorable” clothes and I felt discouraged. In my mind, I was rocking my clothes, but it saddened me when I learned that the other girls didn’t think so. That’s when I became insecure about my appearance. And honestly, that was one of the most self-destructing things I could’ve done. Not only did I begin comparing my clothes with the other girls, but my body as well. I believed that if I was comparing myself with other girls around me, so was everybody else. So I began to change myself into someone I wasn’t. I remember wanting all black, classic Vans shoes for the longest time because thats what all the “cool” people wore. I finally got those shoes for my birthday one year and I was SO happy for the time being, but honestly, they got old and worn out really quickly and I didn’t even like them. I sought the attention and popularity of other girls so much, that I changed who I was. How sad is that?! But this obsession over my appearance eventually led me to hate my body. I hated the weight that I carried for most of my teen years and I hated the fact that I couldn’t go to a pool party without feeling totally insecure. I hated the way that I looked and fit into clothes and again, I wanted to be someone I was not. And honestly, this is something that has been a huge struggle for me until recently, but even now, I have my moments of insecurity. Sometimes I still stress about working out or eating “too much,” and sometimes I still stress about finding a cute outfit, but it’s a little different now because I don’t try to compare myself. I sometimes stress about my food intake and working out because I want to have a healthy mind and body. Other times I stress about having the cutest clothes, but according to my style, not thinking about whether or not the cute boys that are following me or the popular girls will approve of my outfit. Although I do go through those times of failure, letting the struggles of the world get into my head, I try to stay focused on the person that I want to be and the person that God would be proud of. And honestly, it is so freeing to not worry about fitting the image that society tells me I “should” strive for. I hope that through my difficult journey you can learn the importance of loving yourself for who you are, and NOT what others think you should be. But it’s up to YOU!

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